Intimacy After Infidelity by Steven Solomon

Author:Steven Solomon
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781608829682
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2012-12-13T00:00:00+00:00

Key Points

When practicing the I-to-I exercise, there are a couple key points to remember that will make your work a lot easier and help you make sense of what you’re going through.

It’s Just an Exercise

After practicing the I-to-I for a while, some couples will ask, “Is this how we’re supposed to talk all the time?” The answer is no. It’s just an exercise, and a very restrictive one at that. It’s not meant to be used in all your interactions with your partner. That would be way too tedious.

This is simply a way to teach you some skills, to give you tools to hold in reserve for when necessary. What we’re doing is teaching you how to stand up for yourself in a strong, constructive, nonattacking way, and how to react nondefensively when your partner gets upset with you. The exercise shows you how to really hear and understand your partner’s reality, even when it is diametrically opposed to your own.

So don’t worry; you don’t have to talk with him like this all the time. But with dedicated practice of the I-to-I, the two of you will become proficient at using these tools so that conflict will no longer divide you. Instead, working through your conflicts will bring you closer.

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